Life is short; like a vapor

Whereas you know not what shall be tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor, that appears for a little time, and then vanishes away  James 4:14  

Life is a beautiful, fragile thing.  Cooper woke up this week having a febrile seizure.  I sat and watched my one year old son shaking uncontrollably, torso stiff, eyes unseen, completely unresponsive.  We rushed him to the ER and he remained unresponsive for 20-30 minutes except for a gasping sound as if he were fighting for air, fighting for his life.  With as much medical training Elizabeth and I have, it was useless.  We watched completely helpless as our one year old suffered.  I was standing just outside the room shaking uncontrollably because I knew that was not my Cooper in that room and fear took over bringing up thoughts of what if my Cooper doesn't come out of that room.  Come to find out, this is a fairly common condition for young children, but for me this was horrifying.  What if it wasn't just a normal seizure?  It made me realize how fragile life is and how important every second is.  Don't let fear, depression, other people or anything stop you from living your life. Constantly tell the ones you love how much they mean to you.  Tell the ones that don't know you love them that you love them.  Do what makes you happy; hate your job, then quit and find one that makes you happy.  Life isn't about money or possessions, it is about experiences and memories.  We make plans as if it is a certainty, but who can truly make future plans on a vapor that may or may not be there.  So please, live in the present, don't put your hopes and dreams on hold, for tomorrow or the next hour is never guaranteed.  I would write more, but I have to go play basketball with my Cooper.

"I have spent my days stringing and unstringing my instrument, while the song I came to sing remains unsung". ~Tagore

Breck

Birthday

I turn 29 years old this week.  It is strange, birthdays become more meaningful when they are milestones. 16 you get to drive, 18 you can vote, 21 you can drink, 30 etc... For me 29 is the most meaningful milestone I've reached.  Throughout this past year I have learned more about myself and life than the previous years combined.  I think it is because I am actually growing up instead of just aging.  Maya Angelou once said, "Most people don't grow up. Most people age. They find parking spaces, honor their credit cards, get married, have children, and call that maturity. What that is, is aging.”  Cooper has made a major impact on me growing up, and not just by adding responsibilities.  He shows innocence.  He shows love.  He shows determination.  He shows freedom and an open mind.  He has taught me to look past my depression and towards my freedom.  He has shown me that hard work and determination will allow you to achieve new heights.  He has shown me that happiness does exist.  He has taught me unwavering loyalty and love.  I have learned to look at the world around me with a new, open mind filled with love for others.  So this, my 29th birthday, will be one milestone I will never forget.

Butterfly

She runs wildly, excited about the possibilities

Daisies with their center like a bright golden sun

The breeze blowing as she sprints after her prize

Net in hand, she knows she will catch the butterflies

Weaving through the daisies and oaks in the field

Thier vivid color, pattern of flight. She dreams.

Breathing becomes heavy as she chases mightily

Like a lion hunting its prey, she knows what this catch will yield.

It's watery blue wings begin to disappear

Saddened, she returns home. Head dropped low

After the long chase, she feels saddened; hopeless

But as she set sobbing, beauty with aqua wings on her arm did appear.

Breck

"Gone"

Gone are the days of wisdom in a man
Riddles arise, solving them with no plan
Gone are the days of wisdom in a man

Gone are the days when the mind finds solutions
Now we solve riddles with our own delusions
Gone are the days when the mind finds solutions

Gone are the days where responsibility incurs
Welcome to the new world, where men defer
Gone are the days where responsibility incurs

Gone are the days of men from earlier generations
Leaving us with men who bear no foundations
Gone are the days of men from earlier generations

Gone are the days of wisdom in a man
Riddles arise, solving them with no plan
Gone are the days of wisdom in a man

"Something" for Elizabeth

"I walk half way around the world,
Just to sit down by your side.
And I would do most anything girl,
To be the apple of your eye.

Troubles they may come and go,
But good times they are the gold.
And if this road gets rocky girl,
Just steady as we go."

- Dave Matthews

I feel like I don't tell you this enough, but I love you.  Sorry for all the music references but you know that is just who I am.  I think we picked the perfect inscription for you ring, "Steady As We Go".  The first lyrics of the song sums everything up I could possibly tell you in eight, short lines.  I  would do anything in this world for you and do anything just to be with you. I think God placed us in each others lives for so many different reasons.  I mean we both really knew when we were "just friends" that there was really something much deeper and much stronger behind those words.  I want to say I am sorry, because the road did get rocky, but how you stayed so steady, I will never know.  During the darkest days of my life you were beside me every step of the way, never once faltering.  I remember the smallest things were the ones that always helped me the most. When Mike died I know you wanted to help so bad.  You knew I needed time to be alone and think, and you let me.  But while I was gone, you found the most perfect qoutes and song lyrics and poems, knowing that is exactly what I would have done, and when I got home I saw them all stuck on the door; each qoute and lyric so perfectly fitting for the occasion and my state of mind.  So many emotions ran through my mind as I sat and read each one.  I wanted to cry, I wanted to smile and laugh out loud, and I wanted to wake you up and kiss you and tell you how much you meant to me.  You always knew the right thing to do at the right time in order to help me the best.  "Something in the way she knows.  And all I have to do is think of her.  Something in the things she shows me." - George Harrison, "Something".  You always knew.  There were so many times where I was completely lost and you needed help and I couldn't be there for you, especially when you were pregnant.  I will never forgive myself for those days and for that I am forever sorry, but I love you and Cooper more than anything in the world and I need you to know that. I know with all of my troubles and thoughts I have neglected you and your needs at times. Again, there is no way for me to apologize and I will never forgive myself.  But inscribed in my ring are the words "Forever My Love".

"We've been through some changes
Always seem to hold on
Lately it feels like you can't take anymore
Something tells me girl this is bringing you down
Forever my friend
Forever my love
Forever the woman that I'm thinking of
I just think if we keep our hearts together
Just think if we build on this trust that we have for one another
Baby we can make this last a lifetime"
- Ray Lamontagne

Again the words seem to be perfect for the occasion. We have been through many changes and have faced a lot of challenges. I know there were times when my depression sunk into your soul. But you ALWAYS stood by me. Because of you and your strength I am starting to feel free again. I promise to you that I WILL be a better husband and father. I will make time for you, even if it includes sacrifices. I will support you in whichever direction you choose, and I will find time, even if it means giving up something I hold dear. Sorry to make this so public but writing has been much easier for me to express myself than speaking, and yeah yeah I will work on that too. So for those of you reading, please don't misinterpret my words. Never once was our marriage in jeopardy nor did our love start to fade. I wrote this to just tell Elizabeth how much I love and appreciate her and to thank her for always being my rock. Now it is my turn.

Love,
Breck

"Treasure these few words 'till we're together
Keep all my love forever
P.S., I love you"
- The Beatles

A Day In The Life

"Keep your face always towards the sunshine -  and shadows will fall behind you."
Walt Whitman


I wake up to the sounds of a small boy saying daddy.  As my eyes slowly adjust to the light, I see the smiling face of my 10 month old son.  He has the brightest eyes and combine that with the smile from ear to ear and you can see his pride to see his daddy.  You can see his innocence.  We eat breakfast, play for a while and then take about an hour nap together.  He usually wakes up first and wakes me up by either pinching my face or by crawling down my body trying to get to the end of the recliner; he has learned that he weighs just enough that if he lays on the end on the recliner it will slowly lower him to the ground where he can wreak havoc by utilizing his superior crawling and climbing skills.  Elizabeth usually comes home around lunch and feeds him while I get ready for work.  I then tell them both bye and leave for work.  I get home from anywhere from 7:30-9:00, (and that is nights without games), which leaves me little to no time to spend with him before bedtime.  Elizabeth is usually getting ready for bed and I follow shortly after, if i can sleep, and then we repeat.

Life is cyclical in a way.  We get into habits and repeat patterns throughout the year.  Depression and fear also seem to do the same.  It makes me question everything, which could be a good thing.  I took the job at Austin because I guess I blindly thought I could make a difference somehow.  Thinking maybe I could help one person, hopefully more.  I'm not just talking about physical injuries from athletics, but emotional scars from life itself.  I wanted to help on a deeper level, be a person they can turn to and someone they could confide in.  I wanted to make an impact in people's lives.  I don't know if I've even helped a single person so did I make the right choice?  Am I where I am supposed to be?  Am I even doing the job I am supposed to be doing?

So many questions and so few answers.  I have a lot to learn; I have to learn how to be a better husband, better father, and find my true purpose in life.  John Lennon famously said, "When I was 5 years old my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life.  When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I wrote down 'happy'.  They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life".  Happiness.  I guess that is what I'm after but where it lies and how to balance it is the true question.  I'm a bit of a romantic and old-fashioned so for me I find happiness in love.  This means my happiness comes from the loving supportive arms of my family, helping others, and the sounds of music that reaches down and grabs your soul.

So that brings me back full circle to what my true purpose is.  Yes, I still fight depression, but I do find a shadow constantly following me and there cannot be a shadow without the presence of some form of light.  Whatever the source I have to hang on to it, and find a way to make it brighter. "A candle throws its light into the darkness.  In a nasty world, so shines the good deed.  Make sure the fortune, that you seek is the fortune you need," Ben Harper.  So as this new school year starts I have a lot to learn.  I have to find room for the "fortune" I seek is what I truly need.  I have to find a way to spend more time with my family, my happiness.  I have to find a way to spend more time with my son; maybe by hearing more "daddy's" I will be a happier man.  I have to figure out if what I do everyday at work is making an impact on anyone, and if not I need to find another way to do that.  I talk to God constantly and I'm just waiting for an answer.  If you are still reading this please pray that I find the answers to questions I have and I can finally have "a day in the life" that I was meant to have.

Breck

"There are two basic motivating forces:  fear and love.  When we are afraid, we pull back from life.  When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance.  We need to learn to love ourselves firts, in all our glory and our imperfections.  If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create".
-John Lennon

"Old Sea" ~ just a poem i wrote

I love poetry because i can do what i want.  English teachers come get me but i dont care about your rules anymore!  A poem can be so deep that even scholars will never truly understand it's meaning.  Some poems are straight forward with their point and others are completely open for interpretation by the reader.  Poetry gives people an outlet to speak their mind, whether they choose to hide it behind metaphors and symbolism, well that is their choice and rightfully so.  This is a poem i literally just wrote.  I actually was half asleep and words came in my head and i had to get them out.  Some may get the meaning, some may not, some may think they do but do not.  But i hope you enjoy, and if you hate poetry, welll, might just want to skip this one.  If you happen to like it for whatever reason, please feel free to share with friends and loved ones.  And as always thanks for reading.

"Old Sea"

Old sea, majestically  turning through the canyons and trees
A favor I ask, one we all must ask, please..home, will you take me?
Steady and calm are the waters, the ones I want for me
But I shall follow you to the end, there is no other choice you see

Your waters filled with life, both experienced and new
I can feel the young, constantly and pridefully waiting their debut
Old sea, wise and aged, please tell us the secrets that are you
Answers, others come to me to seek, but only if I knew

Storms go and storms pass, leaving it's fair share of fear
For the experienced it's a common theme, for the new; they feel death near
Waves crash below the surface, sometimes causing pain to those we hold dear
We cry out, "old sea" for our words to only fall on wise deaf ears

Some in this sea have no worries, no cares at all
Others carry baggage on their back, some as thick as the sea wall
Some in this sea, we are able to hold them up as they begin to fall
Others here, we watch helplessly as they are stuck within the squall

Old sea I thank you for the good and bad.  We have come so far
Our final days ahead I will spend counting all of the heavenly stars
I know old sea, you have done your job; Home, it is now where we are
But one last favor old friend? Please help me to cross the bar.

Breck

My stake stuck in this ground

"You may not can control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them"  Maya Angelou

If you have been reading any of my posts then you would probably realize that I love qoutes and songs. Sometimes I can't find the right words to express myself and then I stumble upon a qoute or song that sums up my feelings as if the writer penned the words specifically for me. This is one of those times. "Roll away your stone" by Mumford and Sons speaks to me louder than any song I have ever heard. But this post is not focused towards me; it is aimed towards those troubled individuals who are batteling in between two different constructs of themselves.

If you never take any other advice from me please accept this;  always be you, never compromise, and do not be forced into someone or something you are not.   The apostle Paul wrote in Romans, "And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God", (Romans 12:2,KJV).  Four years ago I started my slow dark journey down this road of "losing myself" and there is nothing rewarding or easy about it. Emotional scars still linger and I'm not sure if they will ever go away. I do know though, that through many years of searching, I have finally rediscovered me. But the easiest way to find who you truly are is to never lose oneself in the first place. "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishmen," Ralph Waldo Emerson. I mainly work with high school students and through being around them for long periods of time combined with my own personal experiences I have come to the conclusion that losing oneself  happens mainly through being bullied and through imitation; therefore, for this post I am going to talk about those two variables.

Bullies are despicable. They pick on the weak or those unlike themselves. Through my own observations, I firmly believe that bullies are narsosistic fools.  Bullies tend to be power hungry and therefore use disgusting tactics to try and completely control their victims, (which gives the bullies the power they so desperately crave).  They chose thier prey not due to weakness of the body, but strength of thier victim's mind. Intellectuality causes bullies to be afraid and look into thier own insecurities. I believe they bully to merely hide thier own insecurities and lack of confidence. Bullying is meant to demean or belittle the victim to hopefully bring the victim down to his own level of the darkness in which he calls life. They thrive off of the reaction of the victim and likes to see them suffer and fall apart emotionally. Bullies themselves think of themselves as Alphas and do not like to be challenged. So don't. I know it seems crazy but the more you play into his/her game the more you lose critical pieces of yourself until you can't recognize yourself at all. I have found that by continually showing no emotion, no anger, no tears etc, the bully will have no reason to pick on you. This takes strength but is extremely effective because the bully bullies for the gratification of seeing you visibly upset. Without that gratification all he/she has is thier own insecurities. "When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sand paper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end you end up polished, and they end up useless" Chris Colfer.  Do not seek revenge on bullies.  The Bible tells us to pray for our enemies and God tells us that one day he will have the final say.  As a christian, do not feel sorry for your beliefs.  During Jesus's sermon on the mount he said, "Blessed are those who are persecuted because of rightousness, for thiers is the kingom of heaven," (Matt. 5:10).

The second way I see teenagers (and adults) lose who they are is through imitation. Some say imitation is the greastest form of flattery. To me, and again I have experienced this, imitation is a slow journey of you changing into a person that a mirror cannot recognize and thus begins the slow death of your old self, which includes your morals and what you believe to be truth. People imitate others for several reasons: to fit in, makes them think they are more beautiful, to try and raise thier social status, and to avoid getting bullied. The latter is what I went through and it has taken its toll on my mind and heart. I tried to imitate the people that were not being bullied and surely but slowly I lost myself and everything I stood for. Please just be you, there is only one you and do everything possible to protect YOU. God created man, and God is perfect. Everybody is different for a specific reason, a specific purpose. If God wanted everyone to be the same, then there would never be great advances in science, math, technology, etc.  If he wanted us to be the same then all men would be amazingly handsome creatures that look exactly like me. Don't ever doubt who you are or what you stand for and never let anybody take you or your beliefs away from you. It is a constant fight that we must face and with His help we will win. E.E. Cummings wrote, "To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."  There is only one person that anyone should try to imitate..Jesus Christ our savior.

I am writing this mainly as a warning of what giving yourself up to someone other than God can do to man. As I said before, a lot of times I can't find words to express my feelings, so I turn to outside sources such as the Bible, books, poems and songs. The song I alluded to earlier is one that is so powerful to me because I did everything the wrong way. I allowed myself to be bullied and I used imitation to try to avoid being bullied and in the process I lost the only possession I have that means anything in this evil world...my soul.  Instead of looking for answers through God, I was trying to find worldly solutions.  So I will leave you with these words from the song "Roll Away Your Stone" that really hit home for me and I hope anyone out there who finds this can find some type of peace and a greater acceptance of the importance of who you are as a person.

 Stars hide your fires

These here are my desires

And I won't give them up to you this time around

And so I'll be found

 With my stake stuck in the ground

 Marking the territory of this newly impassioned soul

 But you, you've gone too far this time

You have neither reason nor rhyme

 With which to take this soul that is so rightfully mine

My stake is finally stuck firmly in the ground, is yours? Thanks again for reading and your support. Please feel free to share these posts on Facebook if you think some of your friends would enjoy reading any of this! And if you like this please feel free to go back and read my other posts. And comment, even if it is annonymous, it truly does help and I like to hear other's opinions.

Breck

The Devil will get you

On the way home from our first family beach trip, Cooper hated the beach by the way, I saw a sign on the side of the road.  For whatever reason this particular sign, even though I had seen it before on my many trips to the beach, made the wheels in my mind start turning and I began questioning the purpose and reasoning of the sign.  Written on the sign was, "Go to church or the Devil will get you".  What in the world does that even mean?  The longer I drove, the more the saying irritated me.  What exactly is this sign implying?  That if we go to church we are automatically disqualified from being affected by the Devil and all the evil that comes with him?  Or is it not implying anything?  Maybe it means exactly what it says, if you don't go to church the devil is going to get you.  Either way I find this sign utterly ignorant.

My thoughts were in part stimulated from the book Desire by John Eldredge that was recommened to me by a friend and I would recommend it to others who enjoy reading these types of books.  Not only is it informing, entertaining, easy to read, but it makes you think.  It opens your hearts and minds and allows you to ask questions about your christianity, which is not a crime by the way.  The book is basically about our deepest desire to be the person that God wants us to be.  Desire has consequences and rewards, but we must listen to our desire.  Eldredge wrote, "To desire is to open our hearts to the possibility of pain; to shut down our hearts is to die altogether.".  This to me was a very profound statemnet. But back to the sign.

Let's pretend for a second it implies that by going to church we are free from the evil of the Devil. I can't even think of a good adjective to how glaringly wrong this view is. Gary Ridgeway was a deeply religious man. He frequently went door to door to spread God's word. He would often cry after sermons and church services and he was at every service. If his name sounds familiar it might be because he is also known as the Green River killer. He was convicted of raping and killing 48 women in the '80s and 90's. Ridgeway later confessed to more murders, doubling the amount he was convicted of. For those keeping up, that is around 100 women that were victims of disgusting crimes this great church going man committed; he has the highest body count out of all American serial killers. But I don't get it, he went to church so how did the devil get to him?  All of the victims in all of these tragic events in past years;(Columbine, Virginia Tech, World Trade center, pentagon, now the movie goers in Colorado) are you really going to tell me that none of them with church goers? Of course not, so the sign can't possibly imply that if you go to church you are untouchable from the devil. So it has to mean exactly as it states.

If it does mean exactly what it says then it is written in complete ignorance.  I am not a biblical scholar or any type of scholar for that matter, but since when does God want us to sit mindlessly and completely numb during church?  The sign uses fear to make us go to church.  Whatever happened to going to church for love?  God wants us to love Him unconditionally, not just sitting through a service once a week.  We have to want to love God and have an undying desire to love and please him and even then we are not freed from the temptations and evil of the Devil.  However we will have an ally, someone to lean on, someone that will never leave your side or give up on you.  This is why we go to church, not so the Devil won't get us. We go to church for our desire and love for God and the desire for a perfect eternal life. I believe churches in general focus too much on do's and dont's instead of passion. After all isn't that what Jesus was all about, compassion for others and passion for his father. Take the woman at the well for example, he did not chastise her and belittle her, he simply asked what she truly wanted, what she desired.  Desires can become worldly desires,which is where we as Christians stumble.  I believe God wants us to follow our true desires and be happy and he is there to steer us in the right direction.  But love for God and our unwavering desire to be who we are as people is what God truly intented.  Not for us to belittle those who don't go to church and use fear as a tactic to get them there.  So for the people who put the sign up I pose to you one question:  What is it that you truly desire?

Love and Forgiveness

As I've said before, I'm not a scholar, preacher, philosopher, I'm just a simple athletic trainer in my own corner in the world. As a kid I always dreamed I would someday change the world. The older I got the more I realized that me changing the world is impossible, but I can change one person's life, and that to me is changing the world. But it is time for a new never-ending revolution; one without hate and guns, but a peaceful change in the minds and hearts of all of us. Pay it forward.

 I know you are sitting there thinking how cheesy and stupid I am for copying an idea from a cheesy 90's movie. Actually the idea was derived from a play in Athens around 317 AD. The text was lost and later republished in 1957. In an 1841 essay, Ralph Waldo Emerson mentioned this idea in an essay "Compensation", saying, "in the order of nature we cannot render benefits to those whom we receive them, or only seldom. But the benefit we receive Must be rendered again! Line by line, deed for deed, cent for cent to somebody." The philosophy is simple, perform a random act of kindness to anyone and they will pay it forward. The whole concept revolves around true love for our fellow man. Let your judgments be gone, and show unconditional love to people of all races, ethnicity, sex, nationalitity, etc... There are many people in the world or even that we see everyday that are going deeper and deeper into the woods in which I wandered. Give them a guiding light. I say to you and me, reach out a hand, show them people do care and life is precious. There are too many tragedies of murders, overdoses, drunk driving, etc.. that may have been able to be stopped if we took one second to quit thinking about ourselves and lend a hand. Depression is a beatable disease, addiction is a curable disease. "Be the change you want to see in the world", (Ghandi). It starts with us. People all around us are hurting, but we are too blind to see them. "The purpose of human life is to serve, and show compassion and the will to help others." (Albert Schweitzer). Romans 13:8 states, "Owe no one anything except to love each other, for the one who loves one another has fulfilled the law.".

The only flaw is hatred. Hatred for our enemies, hatred for "sinners" (you know we all sin right), hatred for people who look different, talk different, speak different, think different. It's because as humans we are so engrossed by like minded people we do not understand these "foreign creatures" and when we don't understand things we fear them which then turns to hatred. This is where the 2nd and hardest part of the revolution comes into play...forgiveness. It is something we all must learn to do wholeheartedly. Henry Beecher said, "I can forgive but cannot forget is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note torn in two, and burned up so that it never can be shown again.". We have to forgive from the bottom of our hearts, and if we can do that, not only can we help others more effectively but your heart will be free of hatred, therefore your mind opens and your senses kick in and you will find freedom in your own soul.

As I said earlier we all sin. "He that cannot forgive others breaks the bridge he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven" (Thomas Fuller). All I ask is to spread love to all humanity by simple tasks. When I was in the darkest place of my life, I would sometimes get a random text message, and that simple sentance the text contained would contain would change my whole day. Never underestimate the power of love,  no matter how small the gesture. For those who can't let go of thier old ways, "I pray someday you will join us" John Lennon Imagine (sorry i love the Beatles). Remember nobody is above you and nobody is below you, but if you choose, we can all stand beside you.

Breck...Beatles said it best "All you need is love"   Please leave comments here or on facebook of your simple acts of love that may have changed a person's world. I want to hear about them!

Freedom

I love Memorial Day weekend. We get a three day weekend and are off of work on Monday. It's great because we get some free time to do whatever we want. Most people BBQ and drink their beer with their friends and hang out and play games. Some go camping while others head to the lake and river to go fishing. It seems like it is the most relaxing weekend of the year. Pools are full with kids splashing and diving without a care in the world. My only problem is that I think many Americans have lost the true meaning of Memorial Day.

 Memorial Day was started in the 1860's to honor civil war veterans who lost their lives. The tradition continued through World Wars I and II. Somewhere along the line, as with many American values, we as a nation have forgotten the meaning of this sacred day. We have forgotten a sacred principle to American life which is patriotism. George William Curtis said,"A man's country is not a certain area of land, of mountains, rivers, and woods, but it is a principle and patriotism is loyalty to that principles.". Cemeteries all across the country are filled with fallen soldiers whose graves are neglected and forgotten. We are in the middle of a transformation to honor our fallen heroes to a three day party; it's a shame and it needs to be reversed. I was a part of this "new" Memorial Day until last year. We went to Washington, DC for Memorial Day. I was honored to step inside the gates of Arlington National Cemetery; which by the way I think it should be a place all US citizens should be mandated to visit once in their life. It was an extremely humbling experience to say the least. I can't express the feeling with words. It is almost like when pride meets sadness and you can feel it deep into your soul, and there it will stay embedded forever. As far as your eyes can see are beautiful rolling hills with perfect green grass and then there are the Marble stones. All shaped the same, placed in row after row in perfect order. You could walk for hours and not see the same stone twice. Next to each stone is a small American flag blowing in the gentle breeze. Thousands of people were visiting to pay their respects but the silence was present. Even with the multitude of people paying their respects you could hear a pin drop in the perfectly manicured grass. It's hard not to have tears in your eyes, even as a grown man, while looking out and seeing stone after stone after stone knowing they paid the ultimate price for my freedoms. "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13). Lebron James, Kobe Bryant, Babe Ruth these men are not heroes. The men and women who rest underneath these stones are our true American Heroes. They paid the ultimate price for the freedom for me to share my thoughts and for you to grill and hang out with your friends. I'm not asking to give up your entire weekend. All I am asking is for Americans to sacrifice a small part of our time to honor those who have given the ultimate sacrifice for our freedoms.

Garden of Stone

You peacefully sleep in this garden of stone
Your marble says your name's unknown
But without a doubt, my debt you own
Your love for freedom, you've definitely shown

As I keep walking through this garden of stone
I start to notice, I think I'm all alone
Flags fly by the cross that marks your bones
Your love for freedom, you've definitely shown

As I leave, tears force my eyes to close
I know that I will never pay the debt I owe
The gates close behind me as I slowly go
Kids please take note; for these are true heroes

God bless all of the families and loved ones who died serving our county and our current and past veterans.  Thank you all for your service.

Breck

Breaking Point

Life is something that no man will ever figure out. Death is something that no man will ever figure out, but life and death go hand in hand. We all truly begin to die the day we are born, yet one of the major fears in life is death. I was terrified of death throughout my depression. In our church alone we have had 4 untimely deaths that rocked our church to the core. We persevered. We must remember that the ones we loved so dearly are never truly dead until we have forgotten them. "God's finger touched him, and he slept", Alfred Lord Tennyson. But that doesn't mean that upon awakening it wasn't the most beautiful place they have ever seen. I know it is hard, but sometimes we have to view death as a celebration or victory. "Seeing death as the end of life is like seeing the horizon as the end of the ocean", David Searls. We as Christians must have faith that God is in control and has a higher purpose for us then being here on Earth. Trust me, I know this doesn't make losing a loved one any easier, but they are without pain, reunited with friends and loved ones and their Maker. Hellen Keller said, "Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there's a difference for me you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see". She saw death as a celebration. In Isaiah 41:13 God tells us "For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto you fear not, I will help thee."

I will not reveal all names due to privacy, but one man who passed away was our pastor Mike Nix. He was truly the closet to a perfect man than anyone I have ever met.  He knew all 800 members of our church intimately, knew our family, knew our friends, hobbies, and he knew the Bible like the back of his hand. During my depression I kept a journal that was full of notes and thoughts I was having at the time. I was so excited but i knew if one person could read my thoughts and help me become me again it was Mike. Then the breaking point came. I will never forget the day. It was a Saturday and I was uncommonly happy this day because the next day I was going to talk to Mike and let him read my journal, which is huge because I wouldn't even let Elizabeth read it. But one of a favorite singers Foy Vance says, "Hope deals the hardest blows". I then got a call that Mike passed away suddenly and for the first time since I can remember I cried like a baby. That uncontrollable cry where words couldn't come. Now don't misread this, I absolutely loved Mike, but on this day I felt like my only way out of depression was gone. I was shattered. On Monday the church was open all night in case people wanted to pay their respects in private. I stayed until about 2 and then went to the car to cry some more and play guitar to take my mind off the pain. I went back in and stayed until 5 am. I can't explain this and some people may think I'm crazy but there was just something about looking at his body that was intriguing. I could tell it was not the Mike Nix that I knew and you could tell he was in complete peace. As I was sitting there I suddenly realized that I was looking for help in the wrong place. Mike had total faith and love for God and it hit me that I should be seeking answers not from a man but from God.  Foy Vance sang at the end of the song, "Hope deals the hardest blows, but I can't help but to hope."  Mike gave me that hope.  So to those who have lost loved ones, may you find comfort in the fact that they still help people find God after their deaths and still touch troubled souls like Mike touched mine. My prayers go out to all those inflicted by the the pain from a death in their family and to all those who have lost loved ones, please remember that, "For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity". William Penn

 "Turn pain into possibilities, problems into projects, obstacles into opportunities,stumbling blocks into stepping stones, tragedies into triumph; and harvest fruit from frustration. You don't have to be a victim because of your circumstances. You can be a victor in spite of your circumstances. God is not a pampering God; He is a perfecting God.". Mike Nix

This poem was written the night i stayed at the church all night struggling with my thoughts. 

Last Sermon

Joyful yet dark
Chained but free
Morning started warm
As the day grew chilly
Hope had arrived, yet
He'd given his last sermon

Tears fell like rain
My heart grew cold
Walls were closing in
As my fears took hold
Hope was lost, for
He'd given his last sermon

Anger filled my heart
But peace slowly came
There had to be a reason
So I called His name
Close to understanding, but
He'd given his last sermin

Searching my soul
My shoulders became broad
His love and spirit gave hope
For he had led me to God
Now I'm grateful, for
He'd given his last sermon.

Cooper

"Between the innocence of babyhood and the dignity of manhood, we find a delightful creature of a boy"

Wow.  Where do I even start.  I'm a father.  First of all let me clear this up, I am a FATHER.  Any fool can have a child, but it takes a man to become a father.  I may not be perfect, but here I am...a father.

I remember the long, dreary days during Elizabeth's pregnancy.  Ironic how I say it takes a man to be a father, yet during her pregnancy it was more of her holding me together and supporting me and a lot less the other way.  For that I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself.  What kind of man doesn't have the strength to support his wife during  her pregnancy.  It does show the strength of the woman that I was lucky enough to actually sucker into marrying me.  She carried both of us through the entire process.  What an amazing woman God has given me to love.  But ladies, you have to look at the birth of a child from a man's perspective; especially one who is knee deep in depression.  Fear is everywhere.  The only thought (selfishly enough) is there is a possibility that something will go wrong and I will have to leave this hospital alone.  God gave me strength to stumble into the room, frozen in fear trying my best to comfort Elizabeth and then as if time were frozen, I was holding my newborn baby boy Cooper, and somehow I knew everything would be alright.  With him and Elizabeth, I could get through this dark wilderness that I had been roaming. 

The picture on the left is what Elizabeth says is her favorite picture of me.  When asked why, she said "because it's the first time in long time where you seem truly happy".  She was right.  Something magical happened that October morning that can't be explained.  Here I am, unable to manage my own thoughts or actions and I am expected to raise a boy. Talk about Fear!  It's at this point I realize I do know how to be a father; I had a father any boy would want and provided me with a blueprint.  All I had to do was follow it. "He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it," Clarence Budington Kelland.
As I've said at other times it's the smaller things that matter.  I remember playing catch in the yard, picking out christmas trees, going to every ballgame in driving distance.  It's the little things that stick in my mind the most.  Like how he gave unselfishly to people without them even knowing, donating time, money, clothes, food etc. to those in need.  I mostly remember Gale.  Gale had downs syndrome and lived in our neighborhood as a kid.  He and her got to be good friends.  He would always hand write her on her birthday and special occasions and she would respond.  This friendship continued until recently when she passed away.  It's amazing what kids pick up and remember. 

To me, my father was perfect.  He proved to be true a saying from Charles R. Swindell, "Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children,".  I know Cooper is watching and learning.  You can see it in his eyes; it's as if everything around him is collecting inside some file hidden in his mind.  Truly amazing and beautiful thing to watch.  I know I have to provide him with an example to follow that will lead him to success.  Somehow, with the help of Elizabeth and through the strength of God, I can beat this disease and show my son how to become a man of great charachter.  Frank Pittman said, "The guys who fear becoming fathers don't understand that fathering is not something perfect men do, but something that perfects the man."  After 6 months of fatherhood I can see how this can be true.  Cooper warms my heart with his smile and laugh and I know he has plenty more hidden cards up his sleeve to help make me become the best father possible.  God is good.

This is a poem I wrote when fear had a grip on me before Cooper was born

Won't you cry for me just a little
Open your eyes for me a little
Kick your feet and throw your hands
I can't lay the world at your feet
but i promise
I will be the father that mine was to me

Mistakes will be made by you and me both
We will grow and learn as time passes by
Just know that i will never let you sink
If darkness falls, i will guide you to see
and i promise
i will be the father that mine was to me

My mind has been filled with doubts
My heart has been a cold blue
When you arrive i know it will change
Life will be hard, there is no secret code
But i promise to guide you down the narrow road

At times you will fall, but I will pick you up
A time will come when you have to fight your own wars
But fear not, for your faith will lift you up
I can only hope to live long enough to see
You become the father that mine was to me.

Breck

For my father and mother, Elizabeth and Cooper and I guess my sisters (although i think they may be the source of my mental issues?!?).  I love you all and thank you for your support and guidance.

Compete

Some people say sports are just sports and nothing more.  I couldn't disagree more.  I have been around sports my entire life: my father was a coach, my grandfather was a coach, both uncles were coaches, my cousin is a coach, I played my whole life, all my sisters and cousins played, and I work as an athletic trainer.  Needless to say, sports play a major role in my life and through my experiences, i see on a daily basis that athletes get life lessons that can be carried with them for the rest of their lives if they choose to listen.

This is really just a sleepless rant but i had to get it out.  I recently wrote on being Fearless, (please read if you haven't) and one of my fears was fear of failure and being just mediocre.  Tonight i was at a baseball game and our team was beat 14-0, other team getting 17 hits to our 3.  It was embarrassing, not by the score but by the lack of effort.  The lack of desire to compete.  This team is a good team but has gotten into the habit of losing and therefore expect to lose when they take the field.  Vince Lombardi said it best when he said, "Once you learn to quit, it becomes a habit."  After the game I talked to the team.  I know i'm not the coach but t couldn't help myself.  All i did was make a challenge to them.  To Compete.  Never stop fighting.  In the first game their were so many small mistakes that made a huge impact on the end of the game.  John Wooden once said, "It's the little details that are vital.  Little things make big things happen".  I told them that everybody loses at some point in their sporting lives, but it's how they respond that's important.  All i wanted was 9 people to get on the field and compete.  Fight the fear of losing, fight that fear of their opponent, after all they are just guys like them with a different name on their jersey.  Michael Jordan was once quoted as saying, "I can accept failure.  Everyone fails at something.  But I can't accept not trying".  That is the point i was trying to get across to them

See these 16,17,18 year old kids don't get it yet, but they will.  What they learn in sports can be carried over into their lives.  How they compete can predict their future.  Not always, but sometimes.  Sports teaches us to communicate and work with others to achieve a common goal.  It brings out leadership in people, and teaches us how to learn from failure  It teaches us to act despite of fear..  Most importantly it teaches us to fight and COMPETE!  In my last post I think my last words were never stop fighting.  When we stop fighting we let fear win.  They stopped fighting, accepted defeat and accepted their fear of being average win.  That can't happen.

So what does this have to do with everyday life?  EVERYTHING!  When you go into your job and pressure gets placed on your back, are going to lay down and quit, or are you going to fight.  When that new job or promotion opens up are you going to say "there's no way I will get it", or are you going to compete for it.  Are you going to be able to communicate and work with your co-workers to achieve that deadline or finish that project.  If you fought and competed in sports, that will show up in your daily life.  Hard work and punctuality will not go unnoticed by your bosses.  I believe leaders are born, but they are brought out in sports and during adversity.  The ability to lead others to do  things they thought impossible is invaluable as a worker.  Things aren't just given to you in this world.  You have to fight for it.  All of this IS taught in sports.  Whether you want to listen and truly believe is your choice.  With my depression if i didn't fight or i didn't compete everyday i would be a complete failure.  I don't know where I would be.  But from being around sports I know you never quit.  I know sports is not the only place you can learn these virtues, but the point of my rant is that sports is DEFINITELY a place where these important traits are learned.  My advice, for whatever that is worth, admit your fears and act despite of your fears.  Don't run and expect failure due to your fears, just compete.  It's your choice to not hide behind fears and excuses.  ADMIT YOUR FEARS AND FIGHT!

Masquerade

Masquerade in your web of lies
Your path untold through your smiling eyes
Shadows paint 1000 words
For what it's worth your voice unheard
Pain is creeping in
Your words become numb
Now you pay the price for what you've become 

Fearless

Everyone talks about being fearless.  You have to be fearless to succeed, or be fearless in order to do this or do that.  In my opinion nobody is truly fearless.  Nobody can hide from it, no fearless man exists.  You show me a fearless man and i will show you a foolish man who is so imprisoned by his own fears that he can't even admit them.  Sure, a man can conquer a fear, or act despite a fear but no one can totally eliminate fear.  It is woven in the fabric of our minds; sometimes it lies in hibernation in the recesses of our brain and sometimes it smacks us in the face.  But it  never totally goes away.  Even Mark Twain once said, "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear."  He understood that the absence of fear is an impossible feat.  Fear is a living breathing nightmare that exists everywhere and in every living thing.  It creeps in through the tiny cracks in our armor and lies in wait.  Fear comes in many different forms: fear of death, failure, losing everything, spiders, dogs and so on an so on.  For me i have several different fears that have been attacking my mind.  I have a fear of being insignificant, a fear of not living up to certain expectations, fear of failing as a father and a husband.  Many of you reading can probably relate and struggle with some of the same fears that i do.

So how do we conquer these fears?  People say "face your fears and they will go away".  This isn't logical to me.  How do i face me being insignificant or not living up to certain expectations?  What if my major fear was...lets say tornadoes for example.  Do i just go outside and stand in front of a F4 tornado coming down on me?  No, that's ignorance.  I think the only way to fight fear is not necessarily face it to conquer it, but acknowledge it's presence and act despite of it.  For me, that involves waking up everyday and challenging myself to become a better man, father, and husband no matter what circumstances come my way.  Sometimes i succeed and sometimes i fail, but everyday i fight.  For me, i also lean on God to help me through these days.  God tells us in Isiah 41:10, "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee...".  He holds me up in times of weakness.  For those days where fear does win out, i think it is because i didn't put enough hope and faith in God; something i personally have to work on.

Don't be fooled however.  Whatever way you decide to take on fear, one thing you have to do is act.  For doing nothing at all guarantees fear will win out everytime.  It will create a prison, in which its victim cannot escape.  Trust me.  I've been there.  It's dark, cold, lonely, and paralyzing.  Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Fear defeats more people than an other thing in the world."  After being imprisoned by it and almost defeated, I completely believe he was right.  As I said at the start, nobody can ever be fearless.  We are all in a constant war with fear and must accept some battles we will win and some battles we will lose.  But we must never cease to fight.

The Victor

It spreads silently through the night
Creeping in the shadows of ignorance
The weak it picks for a fight

With such effective passion does it bring
A relentless poison with which to sting

Ever so slowly with all its might
Invading its host, outside their sight
Bravely the mind tries to fight
But the soul with no hope sees death near
As the victor explains, you can't fight fear

Breck

If you have any experience defeating your fears or disagree with my opinions please feel free to comment.  Thanks for reading.

ME

I am me. I am not You, nor do I want to be You.  Who gave You the right to decide who i should or should not be.  I am me, that is all I want to be.  I can't and won't be all of these things that You project on me, for I am me, I am not You.  Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.".  I'm not perfect and never have I claimed to be, But show me a perfect person, and to them maybe I will listen.  Don't bully me, judge me, or push me in a certain direction because that is what You want for me.  I am me, and forever will be.  You will not control me or continually force me to question who I am and question who I should be.  Let the judging begin.  I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.  It's ok, i will wait for your gasp to finish and your mouth to close back up.  It is something that I have been dealing with for a while and I am learning to deal with.  Depression is real, but unless you have it or have experienced it cannot be defined in words.  There are some days where I struggle to find the energy to do everyday tasks that people hate but i actually want to do.  I would love to work outside in the yard but for some reason I can't.  I can't explain it, it just happens.  Once fear and depression creeps in I think it never leaves.  You just have to learn to deal with it.  But guess what, that's me and I am me.  Some of you are probably sitting here now judging me thinking I'm "crazy" but I am willing to bet that there are more people with depression than without.  I am willing to bet that even some of you reading this have or have been through some sort of depression.  I think the world needs less judgement and more compassion.  I don't want pity, nor, sympathy.  I want to be left alone to be ME, not You  "...be yourself - not your idea of what you think somebody else's idea of yourself should be." Henry David Thoreau.  Life deals each of a certain deck of cards and we can either, play them, fold them, or try to cheat and switch cards.  I will play mine.  I am me.  I will not compromise to be someone I'm not nor will I give up.  Is depression difficult to go through?  Everyday.  Will I beat it?  Above is my five month old son Cooper.  Of course I will beat it.  I pray everyday he has his mother's strength and courage and will never have to go through this, but he is my inspiration.  I will face what is thrown at me, and me being me will defeat whatever "it" is.

What does your judgement gain?

"Don't judge me, I dont care what you think you know
because what you know is far from the truth.
Truth is, I don't care what you think you might know.
Always remember we reap what we sew.

Don't judge me, i know i have a long way to go
The ghosts in my mind make it hard for me to cope.
If you judge from outside, your on a downward slope.
Right now I need love.  Love breeds hope.

Don't judge me and think you better than me.
More fame and money doesn't make you free.
If your truth's are right then the blind can see.
Look into my heart, for it holds the key.

Cause if you can't see my heart
then you dont know my soul.
If you dont know my soul
then you can't feel my pain.
If you can't feel my pain
then what does your judgment gain."

Breck

Never Ever Give Up

"Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance. "  Samuel Johnson. Perseverance is a hard concept for people to accept. It requires hard work, patience, and commitment. Everyone has goals and aspirations in life but many people never reach them due to lack of perseverance. One reason people fail is because of the fear of failure itself. Others want us to fail. They have given up on their dreams, lost their commitment and believe it to be impossible. There will be people in your life that will continually try to stop you from reaching your dreams. Why that is, I can only speculate. It could be jealousy, or maybe they are failing and want to bring you down with them. Maybe they are just cold hearted and don't like for people to succeed. FORGET THEM. All through history you can find example after example of extraordinary perseverance that pails in comparison to what you and I would face. It is possible to succeed and reach your dreams in this world. Napoleon Bonaparte famously said, "Victory belongs to the most preserving". (I know this quote is ironic seeing how Napoleon was defeated by the Russians and he spent the rest of life in exile-embarrassing! However, he is still remembered as one of the greatest military commanders in all of history and the quote rings true.)

One famous man in history failed countless times but continued to pursue his dreams until they became a reality. He had money trouble, patents and ideas stolen from him by other companies, and was told no your ideas are too far fetched at every turn in his life. One night he tucked his daughter into bed, and she told him about a book she just read and told him he should read it. He immediately fell in love and wanted to make it into a movie. He met with the author for the rights and of course she said no. There was no way she was going to give the rights to this failure of a man and allow him to destroy her art for the world to see. This didn't deter him. He had faced failure before and knew how to overcome rejections. So he continued conversations with the author who continually said no. But his persistence finally paid off. 20 years, (yes 20 years!, which is where patience comes into play) after first reading the book the rights were given to him and the movie was released. This movie ended up being one of the most critically and most financial success in his life. The movie was Mary Poppins and the man was Walt Disney. Disney was told no by over 300 financial backers before being approved to create "The happiest place on earth" which still continues to bring joy to the hearts to adults and children alike from all over the world. He was not going to be denied his dreams. We must have the same philosophy. So when you are told no over and over again, never give up. Reevaluate the steps needed to reach your goals. Maybe you are asking the question the wrong way or maybe even asking the wrong question. But where there is a will there is a way. God didn't put us on Earth to be failures. Yes we will fail sometimes, but that is when we must reevaluate ourselves and our mental state and preserve. He specifically gave us individual talents so that we may utilize them. For those who say its impossible, they have not persevered. But for you and I we must. And here comes another lame poem I wrote, sorry!

Pretend it's the truth which I heed
Where men who bleed can still stand and lead
My mind being freed, I state my creed
I shall succeed

I will proceed while others quit indeed
Unrealistic, impossible others will plead
My dreams will be reached, not out of greed
But from inner desire from which I feed
I shall succeed

I will lead others who cry out in need
I will not plead with those that impede
I will feed off those who try to make me bleed
I shall succeed

I will not concede my dignity, nor will I secede
I will destroy my weeds and plant new seeds
I will let God lead, for those will be my deeds
I will proceed with this new creed to which I have agreed
I SHALL SUCCEED

Breck

Thanks for reading, please follow by email, I would LOVE for people to sign into google and leave comments.  Comments help inspire me to write more and you can even leave ideas or whatever you want.  Just click the"join this site" button on the right hand side and then use your google account or create one.  Once you do that you can click to follow me and i will know if people are actually reading!  You can also enter your email address at the the top right and it will notify you when a new post is made, or i think that is what it is supposed to do. Please share with friends that you think may want to read by sending them the link or giving them the website address or facebook or whatever. Thanks again for the support and encouraging words from the people who have read this and please keep reading.  But remember, this just inst an inspirationalish type blog, tomorrow i might write how my dog pooped on Coopers play mat; its just going to be whatever is on my mind at the time.. Writing is liberating, you should try it!

Sacrifice

When I think of sacrifice, the first thing that comes to mind is our military men and women. Both of my grandfathers, my dad, and my father-in-law served in the military. They were willing to give everything to ensure we could maintain freedom. I am extremely proud of my family and all of the service men and women that lay their lives on the line for other Americans. After hearing all the talking heads on tv talking about its a "bad war" and we shouldn't be there it really upset me. No matter your political affiliation or your stance on war, the soldiers on the front line deserve our respect. Period. So unfortunately for y'all I wrote another poem, I know I'm not Shakespeare but get over it.

Every night morning rings

Every morning children sing

But for her today silence rains

7000 miles away is where he lays

She drops to her knees and begins to pray

All she feels is pain and the goverernment is who you blame

Oh won't you please step into the other side of the rain

She closes his eyes, drops her head and prays

The pain is creeping in and it's just beginning for her

Just a wooden box, with a flag placed on top

Six feet down is where he'll go, but the pain you will never know

Only memories remain, but for you it's all the same

Won't you please step into the other side of the rain

He stood for you when fear came calling

But you ran from him when he started falling

Death was around you so you called his name

He fought for you not asking for fame

A white cross now over his grave

Was it your soul that man saved

Lisa

So I realize I'm not the best blogger or most entertaining author but, eehhhh. I like to write and my hands cramp when I write so I've decided to type. Fear plays a major factor in my life and for you that one person who continues to read this blog, you will realize that. With patience and faith God will provide us with opportunities. It is up to us to see and follow those opportunities. Opportunities bring change and change brings fear. The fear of the unknown.Nothing in life is always certain. "Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts". Arnold Bennett. I think it takes courage and strength to change. The change a friend chooses may not be in our best interest but as a friend we can only stand beside them and help them succeed through their new journey. If you ever feel those drawbacks or discomforts, talk to a friend. A real friend and no matter their motives, they will give you advice that is best for you, not them.

Opportunities come and opportunities go

Like the wind, sometimes we feel it others we never know

When they hit us in face there is no mistaking

We have to grab the opportunity before it's taken

Opportunities come and opportunities go

The roads we travel we will never know

When the end we reach it will finally show

Good or bad, it's facing our fears that allow us to grow

Much love

Breck

Excuses

I hate excuses and lies and placing blame on others. If you made a mistake or have wronged somebody own up to it and apologize.Ben Franklin stated, "He That is good at making excuses are seldom good for anything else". A lot of people blame time and that bugs me. They have the same amount of time in a day as everybody else in the world they just choose not to take advantage of it. Franklin also said, "Lost time is never found again". John Wooden similarly stated, " If you don't have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it over". We make the choices of what to do with our time and what we choose to do with that time defines who we are as people. Everyday we all face problems or challenges we have to face. Some face them head on, while others let time try to defeat their problems. Again I leave you with a poem. Please comment if you feel like it and thanks for visiting. Oh and remember I'm an athletic trainer not a poet or author so forgive my lack of style, rhyming schemes, blah blah. I say just write what you feel, no rules.

"Time"

Time is only minutes and hours

It ticks by steady daily

But don't blame change on time

A man's character is not defined by hours

But by the mountains he chooses to climb

I can't blame what I've become on time

The choices laid in front of me were mine

What has become of me over time

Have all been because of the mountains I chose to climb.

Breck

Friends

Friendships suck. It's like a rose, it's a beautiful thing but sometime it will sting the crap out of you. George Washington once said, "Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence". I couldn't agree more; I mean who could argue with Washington? He took a stand and defeated his old country and I like to think he sat on the coastline shooting them the bird while the British were sailing back across the Atlantic completely defeated. Somebody needs to paint that painting. I wish I would have taken his advice. I gave confidence to people way too soon. I stood up for myself and as heartbreaking as it was, I turned around to see myself standing alone. At least it defined for me what a friend really is. Why can't it just be easier and everybody has to wear name tags that just say "real" or "fake". That way there is no second guessing and you know who will stand beside you. But to all my "friends" I leave you with my poem.

Friend or Foe

Friend or foe?

On the surface it's impossible to tell

When difficult circumstances arrive

It's then we will know

Friend or foe?

You say you are with me

Yet here I am standing

Alone

Friend or foe?

You tell me

Friend or foe?

Friend just be real, no false words

Stand with me, so alone I won't be

For you my foe,

my next move you shall never know.

Breck

So I have decided to try this blogging thing. There really isn't a theme or purpose to it. My head is just filled with millions of words and phrases that I can't seem to complete so maybe if I just let them out they will all come together . Well that is the plan anyways. On any given day the topic could change from venting to inspirational, to medicine to complete randomness that will completely befuddle anyone who reads it. Please leave comments if you feel the need. I hope somebody enjoyed it. Breck