ME

I am me. I am not You, nor do I want to be You.  Who gave You the right to decide who i should or should not be.  I am me, that is all I want to be.  I can't and won't be all of these things that You project on me, for I am me, I am not You.  Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.".  I'm not perfect and never have I claimed to be, But show me a perfect person, and to them maybe I will listen.  Don't bully me, judge me, or push me in a certain direction because that is what You want for me.  I am me, and forever will be.  You will not control me or continually force me to question who I am and question who I should be.  Let the judging begin.  I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.  It's ok, i will wait for your gasp to finish and your mouth to close back up.  It is something that I have been dealing with for a while and I am learning to deal with.  Depression is real, but unless you have it or have experienced it cannot be defined in words.  There are some days where I struggle to find the energy to do everyday tasks that people hate but i actually want to do.  I would love to work outside in the yard but for some reason I can't.  I can't explain it, it just happens.  Once fear and depression creeps in I think it never leaves.  You just have to learn to deal with it.  But guess what, that's me and I am me.  Some of you are probably sitting here now judging me thinking I'm "crazy" but I am willing to bet that there are more people with depression than without.  I am willing to bet that even some of you reading this have or have been through some sort of depression.  I think the world needs less judgement and more compassion.  I don't want pity, nor, sympathy.  I want to be left alone to be ME, not You  "...be yourself - not your idea of what you think somebody else's idea of yourself should be." Henry David Thoreau.  Life deals each of a certain deck of cards and we can either, play them, fold them, or try to cheat and switch cards.  I will play mine.  I am me.  I will not compromise to be someone I'm not nor will I give up.  Is depression difficult to go through?  Everyday.  Will I beat it?  Above is my five month old son Cooper.  Of course I will beat it.  I pray everyday he has his mother's strength and courage and will never have to go through this, but he is my inspiration.  I will face what is thrown at me, and me being me will defeat whatever "it" is.

What does your judgement gain?

"Don't judge me, I dont care what you think you know
because what you know is far from the truth.
Truth is, I don't care what you think you might know.
Always remember we reap what we sew.

Don't judge me, i know i have a long way to go
The ghosts in my mind make it hard for me to cope.
If you judge from outside, your on a downward slope.
Right now I need love.  Love breeds hope.

Don't judge me and think you better than me.
More fame and money doesn't make you free.
If your truth's are right then the blind can see.
Look into my heart, for it holds the key.

Cause if you can't see my heart
then you dont know my soul.
If you dont know my soul
then you can't feel my pain.
If you can't feel my pain
then what does your judgment gain."

Breck