Breaking Point

Life is something that no man will ever figure out. Death is something that no man will ever figure out, but life and death go hand in hand. We all truly begin to die the day we are born, yet one of the major fears in life is death. I was terrified of death throughout my depression. In our church alone we have had 4 untimely deaths that rocked our church to the core. We persevered. We must remember that the ones we loved so dearly are never truly dead until we have forgotten them. "God's finger touched him, and he slept", Alfred Lord Tennyson. But that doesn't mean that upon awakening it wasn't the most beautiful place they have ever seen. I know it is hard, but sometimes we have to view death as a celebration or victory. "Seeing death as the end of life is like seeing the horizon as the end of the ocean", David Searls. We as Christians must have faith that God is in control and has a higher purpose for us then being here on Earth. Trust me, I know this doesn't make losing a loved one any easier, but they are without pain, reunited with friends and loved ones and their Maker. Hellen Keller said, "Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there's a difference for me you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see". She saw death as a celebration. In Isaiah 41:13 God tells us "For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto you fear not, I will help thee."

I will not reveal all names due to privacy, but one man who passed away was our pastor Mike Nix. He was truly the closet to a perfect man than anyone I have ever met.  He knew all 800 members of our church intimately, knew our family, knew our friends, hobbies, and he knew the Bible like the back of his hand. During my depression I kept a journal that was full of notes and thoughts I was having at the time. I was so excited but i knew if one person could read my thoughts and help me become me again it was Mike. Then the breaking point came. I will never forget the day. It was a Saturday and I was uncommonly happy this day because the next day I was going to talk to Mike and let him read my journal, which is huge because I wouldn't even let Elizabeth read it. But one of a favorite singers Foy Vance says, "Hope deals the hardest blows". I then got a call that Mike passed away suddenly and for the first time since I can remember I cried like a baby. That uncontrollable cry where words couldn't come. Now don't misread this, I absolutely loved Mike, but on this day I felt like my only way out of depression was gone. I was shattered. On Monday the church was open all night in case people wanted to pay their respects in private. I stayed until about 2 and then went to the car to cry some more and play guitar to take my mind off the pain. I went back in and stayed until 5 am. I can't explain this and some people may think I'm crazy but there was just something about looking at his body that was intriguing. I could tell it was not the Mike Nix that I knew and you could tell he was in complete peace. As I was sitting there I suddenly realized that I was looking for help in the wrong place. Mike had total faith and love for God and it hit me that I should be seeking answers not from a man but from God.  Foy Vance sang at the end of the song, "Hope deals the hardest blows, but I can't help but to hope."  Mike gave me that hope.  So to those who have lost loved ones, may you find comfort in the fact that they still help people find God after their deaths and still touch troubled souls like Mike touched mine. My prayers go out to all those inflicted by the the pain from a death in their family and to all those who have lost loved ones, please remember that, "For death is no more than a turning of us over from time to eternity". William Penn

 "Turn pain into possibilities, problems into projects, obstacles into opportunities,stumbling blocks into stepping stones, tragedies into triumph; and harvest fruit from frustration. You don't have to be a victim because of your circumstances. You can be a victor in spite of your circumstances. God is not a pampering God; He is a perfecting God.". Mike Nix

This poem was written the night i stayed at the church all night struggling with my thoughts. 

Last Sermon

Joyful yet dark
Chained but free
Morning started warm
As the day grew chilly
Hope had arrived, yet
He'd given his last sermon

Tears fell like rain
My heart grew cold
Walls were closing in
As my fears took hold
Hope was lost, for
He'd given his last sermon

Anger filled my heart
But peace slowly came
There had to be a reason
So I called His name
Close to understanding, but
He'd given his last sermin

Searching my soul
My shoulders became broad
His love and spirit gave hope
For he had led me to God
Now I'm grateful, for
He'd given his last sermon.