Life is Baseball

So why is baseball America's Pastime?  Why do so many people love this game?  To me the game closely mimics life, which constantly keeps me on edge.  People complain the game is too slow and not enough runs are scored...isn't life the same.  But how often in life do we sit and wait for something to happen instead of making it happen.  There are ups and downs, wins and losses, but no matter what, tomorrow brings another game.

Baseball is played pitch by pitch; life is step by step.  A great thing about baseball, as it is in life, is that nothing is final until it is over.  In basketball and football you can sit on the lead and run the clock.  In baseball you get the final say.  Bob Feller said, "Every day is a new opportunity. You can build on yesterday's success or put its failures behind and start over again. That's the way life is, with a new game every day, and that's the way baseball is."

Sometimes we feel so alone and desperate.  In baseball, unlike other sports, when you strike out or make an error the whole world knows whose fault it is.  It's embarrassing, dark and lonely.  If the player would only take a breath and look around, he would find 8 guys beside him pulling him up.
Sometimes in life we are so devastated by our failures that we are blind to those around us holding us up.

Both bring plenty of failures and challenges along the way.  In baseball if you FAIL to get a hit 7 out of 10 times, you are considered one of the best players.  The batting average for all players in baseball is around .250 which means they fail 75% of the time.  Can you imagine being a teacher who only graduates 25% of thier students or a dr who treats a certain condition with a 25% success rate?

Baseball is a hard game to play. Life is dfficult and will knock you down day after day.  In life we have to learn to push through our slumps and climb out of the valleys.  Don't ever quit because you fail, but be inspired and do something great inspite of it.  Both games brings its share of losses, but the goal remains the same; somehow find your way home.

Breck

Saying Goodbye

"I have never found any 'good' in saying goodbye".  Goodbyes are something that I have struggled with forever.  I've never known the right words to say or the right way to act.  For most of my life, I've said my goodbyes and tried to forget them altogether.  I don't know why, I know people move, change jobs, go off to school, etc. but I always feel like it's the end.  I dealt with goodbyes by pretending the friendship is over and even tried to ruin friendships just so I wouldn't have to say goodbye. "I make it easier for people to leave by making them hate me a little"  Cecelia Ahern.  I know it is twisted but in my mind it allowed me to rationalize losing someone I cared deeply for. I push people away and try to forget them instead of holding on and remembering all of the good memories.

Over this past year I have been blessed to have some special people in my life that have been there for me and picked me up throughout my depression.  I still have bad days but they were always there with encouraging words or a compassionate ear. But now, it is time to say goodbye.  I don't want to see any of them go.  I would be lying if I were to say that I am not scared.  I'm horrified.  "One thing you cant hide - is when you're crippled inside" John Lennon. They were always there, and now they are gone.  Or are they?  For the first time I am going to try to actually face saying goodbye to people I love and depend on.  When I say goodbye, I will have to fight the fear and the notion that they are gone forever.  After all, phones do exist.
Another reason I don't like goodbyes is due to the fear of being forgotten.  "The worst feeling is not being alone, it's being forgotten by someone you could not forget."  What if the people that made such an enormous impact on me received nothing from me in return?  I will never truly know until I say goodbye to those friends I love and let them go. So for my friends, thank you for all of the support and encouragement you have shown me. I love you and wish you all the success and happiness that you deserve in the next chapter of your lives.  Of course I can never express my feeling in my own words so I found this particularly fitting.

"Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you, I have been changed for good. It well may be, that we will never meet again, in this lifetime. So let me say before we part, so much of me, is made of what I learned from you. You'll be with me, like a handprint on my heart, and now whatever way our stories end, I know you
have re-written mine, by being my friend... " 

Wicked

The Window

Through the window, there is a man full of life
Yet on the other side, there is man full of strife
Outside, he dances in the rain
Inside, he cries from the pain

Through the window, there is a man with hope
Yet on the other side, there is a man trying to cope
Outside, he laughs and smiles
Inside, he suffers through trials

Through the window, there is a man who puts others first
Yet on the other side, there is a man reeling in reverse
Outside, he finds love that is warm
Inside, he seeks shelter from his storm

Through the window, there is a man who sees life clear
Yet on the other side, there is a man who lives through fear
Outside, he finds all his life goals getting nearer
Inside, he realizes that he is looking in the mirror

"I Am a Pawn"

I am a pawn.

For this you see me as a fool

Myself, I am simply a tool

Weak and limited, you quickly strike

Taking me down with little fight

You boast and laugh so arrogantly

But the whole board you do not see

Slowly but surely you take me down

All of your focus is on my crown

But a path opens for me to start

Little did you know, I've played my part

I am a pawn, I am simply a tool

You could say others are the mare and I the mule

Frozen are you, your king has fallen. Your crown jewels

With your crown fallen, you try to play it cool

Underneath you now realize

I am a pawn, and you are the fool

-Breck

Who Are You

You are beautiful just the way you are.  Do not conform to what society thinks you should be.  "... be yourself - not your idea of what you think somebody else's idea of yourself should be." Henry David Thoreau.  EVERYONE has some sort of pain, so don't let the masks fool you.  Everyday you have to be thankful for everything you have and it doesn't have to be materialistic things.  I'm not going to pretend to know the pain of your exact situation.  I don't have physical limitations or issues at home and a poor family life.  I don't get ridiculed daily about being "fat", "ugly", "stupid" and all the other verbal abuse dished out by fools.  But I do know the darkness of your pain.  I know how to fake the smiles and laughter during the day only to go home and look in the mirror and question whether what others say about me is true.  I do know about giving up, laying down and saying "I'm done".  I know the horrors of feeling alone except for the negative voices inside my head.  So to you I say, "you are beautiful just the way you are".  God made each one of us and God is perfect; there are no mistakes from Him, so you are not a mistake. You have to keep pushing, knock down the walls that are closing around you.  Now you can pretend they aren't there, but I know they are.  The only way to knock them down is  by taking it one step at a time.  Sure you can give yourself false hope and falling into peer pressure and buying into what the fools are selling you.  Go ahead and drink bottle after bottle, but I guarantee when you wake up your pain will still be there.  The only way to be happy is to start loving yourself.  Only then will the walls start crumbling down.  Never let your shadows take away your light.  Don't let your situation define who you are.  Let your heart define who you are.  It has taken me a long time to realize that, but once I decided to accept me and love myself I found out that those walls aren't as thick as they appear.  Always remember that success in life is never guaranteed nor is it ever denied.  It is simply earned.  Giving up absolutely cannot be an option.  There will be failures along your path but there is not a limit on the number of times you are allowed to stand back up.  "Our greatest weakness lies in giving up.  The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time," Thomas Edison.  Love yourself for you are worthy of it.  "If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create", John Lennon.  
Stand up, take one step after another no matter how small.  Chip away at the walls around you, and earn the success of that which you dream of.

"Do you want to know who you are?  Don't ask.  Act!  Action will delineate and define you"
- Thomas Jefferson

Breck

Life is short; like a vapor

Whereas you know not what shall be tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor, that appears for a little time, and then vanishes away  James 4:14  

Life is a beautiful, fragile thing.  Cooper woke up this week having a febrile seizure.  I sat and watched my one year old son shaking uncontrollably, torso stiff, eyes unseen, completely unresponsive.  We rushed him to the ER and he remained unresponsive for 20-30 minutes except for a gasping sound as if he were fighting for air, fighting for his life.  With as much medical training Elizabeth and I have, it was useless.  We watched completely helpless as our one year old suffered.  I was standing just outside the room shaking uncontrollably because I knew that was not my Cooper in that room and fear took over bringing up thoughts of what if my Cooper doesn't come out of that room.  Come to find out, this is a fairly common condition for young children, but for me this was horrifying.  What if it wasn't just a normal seizure?  It made me realize how fragile life is and how important every second is.  Don't let fear, depression, other people or anything stop you from living your life. Constantly tell the ones you love how much they mean to you.  Tell the ones that don't know you love them that you love them.  Do what makes you happy; hate your job, then quit and find one that makes you happy.  Life isn't about money or possessions, it is about experiences and memories.  We make plans as if it is a certainty, but who can truly make future plans on a vapor that may or may not be there.  So please, live in the present, don't put your hopes and dreams on hold, for tomorrow or the next hour is never guaranteed.  I would write more, but I have to go play basketball with my Cooper.

"I have spent my days stringing and unstringing my instrument, while the song I came to sing remains unsung". ~Tagore

Breck

Birthday

I turn 29 years old this week.  It is strange, birthdays become more meaningful when they are milestones. 16 you get to drive, 18 you can vote, 21 you can drink, 30 etc... For me 29 is the most meaningful milestone I've reached.  Throughout this past year I have learned more about myself and life than the previous years combined.  I think it is because I am actually growing up instead of just aging.  Maya Angelou once said, "Most people don't grow up. Most people age. They find parking spaces, honor their credit cards, get married, have children, and call that maturity. What that is, is aging.”  Cooper has made a major impact on me growing up, and not just by adding responsibilities.  He shows innocence.  He shows love.  He shows determination.  He shows freedom and an open mind.  He has taught me to look past my depression and towards my freedom.  He has shown me that hard work and determination will allow you to achieve new heights.  He has shown me that happiness does exist.  He has taught me unwavering loyalty and love.  I have learned to look at the world around me with a new, open mind filled with love for others.  So this, my 29th birthday, will be one milestone I will never forget.